At least things are going well, so I'm not complaining, but am I happy? At least there's hope, so I don't complain, but am I happy? At least…

I have to say that I haven't been as mentally stable lately, but I can't say I'm feeling bad, just not as good as I used to. Things won't always be the best and therefore I won't always be the happiest.

I am currently in the process of transitioning my lifestyle back to what it was like in school before uni as it is probably best for me based on the current situation, my life is definitely pretty good but I can't do things the way I planned or entertain myself the way I usually do. I have always used my free will to the fullest to meet my every need, this is not the case now, however it is more or less my own choice and I want to try it out and see how it leads me. From someone else's point of view I must not have anything to complain about, but I’ve realised that different people have their own problems and it is pointless to compare with others. There are plenty of people live without any money worries and plenty of people need to work hard for their next meal, yet can we say that one person is definitely happier than another? Of course not. No matter who you are or what you have, you will always struggle with something. So back to the drawing board, what really matters most is how we feel about our own lives.

Having adopted this student-style life, the most I have done is study, which has allowed me to secure myself with minimal effort. I feel exactly the same now as I did when I was at school and I am definitely not satisfied with how things are going at the moment, but I’ve promised myself a bright future. It's like all the animals in Animal Farm trying to build the mill while dreaming of what life will be like in the future. I have stayed at home most of the time for the past two weeks and today I shouldn’t let myself go out, it makes me feel even worse. If you can't do something, the best thing you can do is not even think about doing it. What I should be doing is staying in this bubble and looking outside as a vague fancy future. At least the future will get better, and it will be better if I work hard. I can still cum tho, it’s the happiest moment of my day.

Take care.

23.10.22